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“If you ride to the left, you will lose your horse, if you ride to the right, you will lose your head”

November 18, 2010

I have been in this business for what seems like FOREVER. I like to refer to myself as a lifer. I feel like I have a life sentence in this industry. I can’t say I really enjoy this business or that I have a passion for what I do, but I can say I do it well. Kind of like an idiot savant. I don’t know why or how I am able to understand this stuff but sure enough I understand & I can deconstruct it for my clients so they can understand it.  Sure, I like to daydream & think one day I will go back to college & pursue a career that I have a life long love for but I wouldn’t know where to begin or what I want to be when I “grew up’.  Plus I have learned money is not everything but with small kids, a mortgage, & bills – MONEY means EVERYTHING in order to maintain & afford all those things. 

When I was in my twenties, I was a total go getter. Do what I had to do, to get to where I had to go. Making money was a driving force. Even a C-section & the birth of my daughter couldn’t stop me.  6 weeks off??? Yeah right. More like 6 days off. Looking back, oh so many bad choices I made. So many twist & turns that I failed to navigate properly.  Now in my thirties, I think any career spark or drive has been extinguished. Luckily I work for a great small company that allows me (to an extent) do what I need to do, how I want to do it. But in all honesty I really don’t want to do anything. I have no idea career wise if I know where I am going or if I have even arrived. I am bored with this job. A majority (like 65%) of the people I interact with annoy me to no end. I am 34 & have somehow managed to be the cranky old lady who everyone just kind of stays clears of.  Is this who I am going to be for the next 30 years? Day in & day out I’m gonna do this? Sell homes, buy homes, cash out refinance, rate term refinance…OMG!!! I need to know where the nearest bridge is so I can throw my career over it.  I have hit the fork in the road in my career. Where do I go? 

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